Plant That Seed
I was reading the magazine, Harper’s Bazaar, to the extent you can call it reading. It was more like flipping pages. Would you believe I reached for a copy of Marcel Proust’s Swann’s Way and the girlie magazine fell into the shopping basket instead. No? Good for you because that’s a big fat lie.
The cover was of a remarkably retouched and well-lit Goldie Hawn. She looks lovely, by the way. For the record, Goldie is not the reason I bought the magazine. I paid the cover price of $312.00 for this glossy multi-page advertisement held together by a few short articles about nothing whatsoever because the pictures were pretty. My priorities are in line. So, between the photos of expensive (and butt ugly) shoes and a rather scary Madonna ad (what she was pushing, I don’t know, but it certainly wasn’t food - that woman hasn’t eaten a sandwich in years) was a two-page spread on Goldie Hawn. This is a magazine after all. Articles in some form are required.
Goldie had this fine quote on the state of committed relationships in America and, in particular, on how she keeps that smile on Kurt’s face:
"Kurt’s not predictable, which is exciting, and he has a big life: He’s a big father, a big lover - he’s just big. And nothing is under the carpet with us… Men spread their seed. That’s what they do."
So with all this seed spreading, exactly how many children does Kurt have?
You can call me old-fashioned but this is not how my marriage works. Hubby knows that spreading his "seed" is tantamount to an act of war and will result in the unleashing of a series of events such as his bloodletting, his personal possessions on fire on the front lawn and his checks bouncing as all joint assets disappear. He has no damn idea where our money is hid kept.
Let’s make a deal. We will not write a book about the love life of Goldie and Kurt. If for some reason we have a brain hiccup and do try to sell this story, we will not market it as a romance. And, this is the bigee, we will not talk about Kurt’s seed ever again.
March 30th, 2005 at 8:52 am
And, this is the bigee, we will not talk about Kurt’s seed ever again.
I’m with you on that! Ewww.
And yes, my response to any spreading of seed would be similar. NOT that my dh would ever even think of it.
March 30th, 2005 at 10:02 am
Ok, I’m on my first cup of coffee. But, that ‘men spread their seed’ comment had me envisioning Kurt jerking off around their house. Yeah, the caffeine is *just* about to kick in.
March 30th, 2005 at 11:09 am
I would hope he only spreads it at home. I see little Hawn Russells popping up in a tilled field behind their house. Alas, I doubt that’s the case. May I just say LOSER?
March 30th, 2005 at 12:14 pm
If he only spreads it at home, then I’m fine. That is - or certainly better be - how my marriage is working or the hubby is a dead man.
Wendy - thanks so much for the visual image. We’ll have to hope they have a good live-in maid to clean up that mess.
And, yes, “Ewww” and “LOSER” both popped into my mind too.
April 2nd, 2005 at 3:52 am
Kurt and Goldie aren’t married, they’ve just been in a committed relationship for about twenty years or so. Maybe because they aren’t bound by the bonds of matrimony, they feel that their relationship has grounds to be a bit “looser”. :shrug:
April 3rd, 2005 at 10:17 pm
Hi Evangeline! Yeah, I get the living together thing but in my book a committed relationship, marriage or no, means the seed stays at home.