HelenKay Dimon

A confession.  I don’t read much category romance.  Right now, not many at all.  I follow authors who I’ve bought for years and few new ones, usually folks who are writing both category and single title, but that’s about it.  This is not a knock against category or a comment on the quality of writing.  This is a statement of my preference only.  Me, me, me. 

In the past I got burnt out on the virgin heroines/cowboys at work/secret babies/amnesiac brides story lines.  I’ve been assured this trend has changed.  I hope so.  Category romance should thrive.  Should be vibrant and innovative enough to keep our attention as they shuffle on and off the bookshelves every 5 weeks.  We should want to drive over to wherever we purchase books and scoop them up before they disappear.  The price is right.  But, for me, the desire to try again hasn’t sparked.  This may have something to do with the fact I once had a manuscript at H/S for 14 months before it was rejected.  The book stank.  It was my first and I’ve blocked every other detail of the book from my working memory to keep from having a breakdown of some sort.  But, 14 months?  That’s longer than I’ve kept most plants alive in my house.  Almost as long as I keep some magazines before I throw them away. That kind of wait makes a woman mean and nasty.  So, if everything has changed.  If category romance is thriving and alive, feel free to inform me of my ignorance….. as I’m sure you will. 

Having said all that,  I have two words – Diana Palmer.  She writes about all those hot button issues that don’t hold my interest.  About Long, Tall Texans – love that series title, by the way.  She writes those hooks I specifically don’t look for, and actually run from, when buying a book:  virgin heroines, "older" alpha males (like 38-40) lusting after then bedding young’un heroines (like 19), cowboys, cowboys and more cowboys, and sometimes the ever-precious secret baby. 

If I hadn’t read Palmer previously and then picked her up today and read the blurb, would I buy her stuff?  Probably not.  Her work isn’t what I look for now but it was at one time.  The bottom line is that I still read her.  Why, I don’t know.  I’m kinda ticked off she switched to hardcover.  For heaven’s sake, cowboys and their virgin women should cost less than $6 but I blame HQN, not Diana Palmer, for that financial disaster.  But, I do wonder if everyone has a Diana Palmer, an author they technically "outgrew" but continue to buy, whether the books are good or bad, the same or different, because that’s the way it’s always been. 

Wendy wins.  As usual, she knows what she’s talking about.  I almost hate to admit that because there will be no living with her now.  But, since we reside on opposite sides of the country, I can always ignore her email if  she becomes completely unbearable, so here goes. 

Back to last week’s entry called Way…Way Out Of Touch.  Yeah, I know, going back to this proves how absolutely stupid I am.  You’d think the days of unending bashing from the fanfic elite would have taught me a lesson.  Apparently not.   This entry  was one of the things that seemingly sent Wendy’s brother-in-law Lee Goldberg into a new mutli-day rant against fanfic and sent thousands, really thousands, of crazy people flocking to my blog (or the same 3 people visiting approximately 666.66 times a piece, it’s hard to say which).  Then there were the numerous emails and comments I received explaining why adults writing fanfic about the Harry Potter teens having boy/boy sex was fine.  Uh-huh, I’m the one with the problem. 

Well, buried in my entry somewhere was my comment about my lack of interest in a book based on guy/guy sex.  I scoffed, not caring one bit what people did in their private lives (except for the folks who think writing the above-mentioned Harry Potter stuff is okay ’cause I think that’s just creepy), but saying that a story of the type Wendy described didn’t do much for me.  My point was that with all that male equipment hanging around, I wanted a woman in there to share in the fun. Yeah, well, that’s still true but now I see the other side of this argument. 

Why?  Well, I read Strange Attractions by Emma Holly on Sunday and finished it yesterday.  Yes, in two days.  I didn’t waste time eating or anything as mundane as that when this book was waiting.  Really enjoyed it.  Interesting and well-written.  Funny and then sometimes not.  I got sucked in from page one.  Now, this is a book that has a little something for everyone – guy/guy sex and then some guy(s)/girl sex, so this is somewhat consistent with me earlier position.  But, all of it, no matter the combination, was well done.  It was very tasteful.  All very sexy.  Not the right book for the Inspirational Romance crowd, certainly.  Not really for the "no, I like mine missionary position, but thanks" folks either.  For the rest of you, go buy it.  And, I guess, listen to Wendy now and then.  She got this one right.  So it’s possible she’s right about other things too. 

[[Note:  I apologize in advance and publicly to her hubby Tod for what all this praise might mean to his life when trying to live with Wendy over the next few days, but she was right.  Again.]]

The Barnes & Noble website keeps daily top ten lists.  Yesterday I signed on and looked up the selections for contemporary romance.  You know, just to see.  Wondered if the list matched my TBR pile or the unwritten list of books-to-be-purchased-next in my head. 

You’ll quickly notice a pattern.  The pattern is Nora Roberts.  She’s everywhere, which isn’t a shock to anyone who has been alive or even breathing with the help of electronic equipment for the last 5 years.  Roberts happens to be a member of the same writing chapter that I am – you know, the one I rarely go to as a result of an extreme case of laziness.  I did go to last year’s conference, which was worthwhile and fun, and heard her speak in an informal setting.  She’s very big on saying "just write the book" and "write the best book you can and don’t worry about the rest" whenever anyone is talking about marketing or name building or, say, the lack of coffee in the conference room.  The woman stays on message.  People close to her – yes, she has friends – tried to explain to her that her writing life is vastly different from every other writer’s life but she was undeterred.  Looking at the list below, seems to me she practices what she preaches.

The list went like this:

1.  True Believer by Nicholas Sparks – I have a general rule against ever buying anything by Sparks.  It’s not rational.  It’s based on an interview he gave years ago with his first book when he said something brilliant such as the problem with the romance genre was that women didn’t know how to write romance books.  Maybe he’s grown up.  I haven’t. No money goes to him from my household. 

2. Black Rose by Nora Roberts – This is actually a new Roberts title and not one of her 100 backlist titles released monthly.  I have the first in this new trio but haven’t read it.  This is what I tend to do with Roberts’ books – buy them and then let them sit on the TBR pile until I break down and read them or pass them to someone else.  I like to think of this as my little contribution to her continuing success. 

3. Sam’s Letters To Jennifer by James Patterson – I’ve read his mystery stuff and never been all that impressed.  I met him in Dallas last year at a literacy signing and thought he was a putz.  Maybe he was just shy.  Who knows.  He doesn’t need my money anyway so I’m not going to worry about where we went wrong in our relationship.  He doesn’t care.  Frankly, neither do I. 

4.  Full Bloom by Janet Evanovich and Charlotte Hughes – I’ve read a few of Evanovich’s number books.  No idea what this one is but for some reason haven’t been all that motivated to find out.  So, this is a maybe for me.

5. Mission Irresistible by Lori Wilde – Never read anything by Wilde but I like seeing a name on this list that I don’t see every day.  Between the cute title and good cover, I’ll probably pick this one up.

6. The Calhouns by Nora Roberts – Look, here she is again….

7. Date With The Other Side by Erin McCarthy – I love McCarthy’s books.  Love them.  She could write on a napkin and I would pay $2.00 for it. This one isn’t a Brava but I’m thinking with her talent that won’t matter.

8. The Perfect Neighbor by Nora Roberts – And again…..

9. Black Ice by Anne Stuart – Strangely, I’ve never read anything by Stuart but this one looks good.

10. The Calhouns by Nora Roberts – Apparently these are different Calhouns than those in #6.  I’m waiting for Revenge of the Calhouns or Calhouns Unleashed, maybe even Night of the Living Dead Calhouns.  Now, those would get my attention.

Whenever fans of romance books talk about their "first time" in the genre, inevitably the names Mary Stewart, Victoria Holt and Kathleen Woodwiss come up. Sure, other authors are mentioned but these three seem to be in the library of every right-thinking, card-carrying romance reader.  Everyone knows their work.  Everyone can talk, at great and sometimes exhausting length, about where they were and what they were wearing when they first picked up these authors’ books.  About gothic romances and the glory of the Flame and the Flower. 

I have no idea what any of you are talking about.  Really, no idea.  I’ve always loved to read but came very late to romance.  Like 1998.  Before that I read everything but romance.  Yeah, I was one of those.  Then one day, during a particularly brutal time at work, a fellow worker bee gave me three romances to read: The Bride by Julie Garwood, Perfect Partners by Jayne Ann Krentz and Daniel’s Bride by Linda Lael Miller.   She promised a happy ending and a solid story.  She delivered.  Or, maybe I should say, the authors delivered. 

So, 7 years later and I still haven’t read even a paragraph written by Holt, Stewart or Woodwiss.  I’m sure they’re all great but I’ve decided, instead, to have my own trio of romance authors to be my "firsts" in this genre.  Now, I’ve read every book written by all three of these ladies.  Loved some and others not as much.  Am loyal enough to continue to buy as long as they continue to write.  This is probably how the rest of you feel about Holt, Stewart and Woodwiss. 

What I was wearing when I read these books?  Any book ever?  No idea.

Making a story’s conflict smooth, real and alive is always a chore for me.  A lot of people complain about false conflict in romances – contrived circumstances that amount to little more than simple misunderstandings blown out of proportion that could be resolved by page 19 if the hero and heroine would just say, "oh, so that’s what you meant" and get down to business. 

For me the best evidence of fake conflict came in a highly regarded movie, Closer, starring Clive Owen, Natalie Portman, Jude Law and Julia Roberts. This movie is a bit more angsty than my usual preference but it was hubby’s turn to pick, so I was stuck.  Yes, having the opportunity to watch Clive Owen for 2 hours made the movie viewing experience worthwhile.  Well, almost.  I thought the movie was well acted but over time I’ve come to hate it.  In retrospect, the problem for me was a lack of any meaningful conflict.  I know the movie won all kinds of award and critical acclaim.  Whatever.

SPOILERS AHEAD….

My point: this movie could have ended in 20 minutes if Roberts’ character wasn’t a complete idiot with some kind of dumb-girl martyr complex.  She’s available when she falls for Jude Law’s guy.  She’s attracted to him in a I’ve-seen-him-for-ten-minutes-and-he’s-my-soulmate kind of way.  She hasn’t met Owen, her future husband, yet.  Law has a girlfriend, yes.  Not wife.  No one has taken an  oath before god and man on a pledge of lifelong marriage and fidelity at this point.  So, ummm, what’s the problem.  If you want Law, take Law.   I’m not advocating dumping an existing girlfriend (in this case, a chronologically younger one) for a newer model (‘tho older chronologically here), but there was a way to end the mess here before everyone started sleeping with everyone else and eventually hating and abusing each other.  Instead, Roberts waits until she’s with Owen, engaged to him I think, to start the love affair with Law. 

This story presupposes a woman could find Law more attractive than Owen and, frankly, I do not see how this is possible.  But, the writers also want us to care, on some level, about Roberts and  her love for Law.  I didn’t. Not at all.   I thought she made a mess by not going after the guy she wanted in the first place, made a bigger mess by finally going after the guy she wanted but only after she was married to someone else, and made an unbelievable mess by then dumping the supposed love of her life to go back to husband after a good lay.  Huh?  No, really, huh?  This isn’t conflict.  It’s also not compelling.  This is just stupid.  The end result for me was 2 hours of tough dialog and ogling Owen, all wrapped up in a senseless movie.  A well-received movie but one that didn’t do it for me thanks to the choice of conflict.

I have a love/hate relationship with writing contests.  Actually, mostly hate. Okay, all hate.  I rarely enter them.  When I go to the trouble of printing out 6 submission copies and writing a synopsis for a book that I’ve only mapped out in my mind through chapter 2, it’s usually because there is yet another repeat of Lost on television (clearly the writers and producers of this show just don’t wants us to get hooked).  There are two other main reasons for entering contests in my opinion  – to try to grab the attention of the editor who is the final judge (see my previous tales of the non-violent stalking of Kate Duffy) or to test an initial chapter or two of a story idea and get an idea of just how much other people hate it (otherwise known as the "validate me" explanation).  The second reason is ridiculous, really, since most contests aren’t all that great at feedback but if you accidentally get something useful, that’s a bonus.

Here’s a suggestion: don’t enter a contest because you have some extra cash and think entering a contest is easier than setting fire to it.  Sometimes when you see all the emails announcing contest winners and finalists, it’s easy to think the "too much money and nowhere to spend it" reason is hard at work among our brethren.  Certain names appear over and over, year after year, decade after… you get the idea.  Part of me is impressed because, with the subjective nature of contests, repeated finals suggest these people really have talent, or at the very least have figured out the contest code the rest of us don’t know, which is another kind of talent. 

But, and this is the strange idea – the part where I will likely get my butt kicked one more time in the blogosphere – a much bigger part of me thinks the repeated win/final thing is a little sad.  Seeing the same finalist name in 14 contest over a span of 2 weeks can get old but is an amazing thing.  That’s not what I’m talking about.  I congratulate these people and secretly think how unfair life is that they suck up all the finalist spaces.  The sad part is when I see the same names over the span of the next 3 years.  The envy (bitterness, nastiness, whatever) goes away.  My thought is always one of, how does this person keep going after getting win after win without the big publishing prize?  That’s a lot of money spent and a lot of validation expended without ever getting to the big dance.  That would suck, I think.

When has someone entered too many contests?  When does someone lose perspective and need to back off the contests to figure out another way to get to a publisher?  I don’t know.  But, in the interest of disclosure, this year I entered one contest due to Kate Duffy being the judge (The Laurie) and one in a desperate attempt to get some honest feedback (the Daphne – something this contest is known for giving).  I didn’t have a cp then so I was trying to figure out if the story ideas worked.  Hell, who am I kidding, if I get a little validation you’ll hear me screaming for joy from wherever you are.

From time to time someone will ask a question of fellow authors on a listserve and, I admit, I’ll be stumped.  Not because the question is tough or particularly challenging, but because I can’t figure out what the hell the poster is talking about. Or, to be more precise, why anyone would ask the question to a group. 

I’m not trying to be rude or superior or controversial.  I certainly don’t want to invite a, maybe I should say another, blog war.  Trust me on this.  I learned my lesson with the fanfic/slash writing post.  Trust me.   My confusion comes from the fact the answers seem, well, kind of obvious.  It’s possible I just don’t get the problem…. again.  It may also be that we’re overthinking the writing process and letting fear conquer our good sense.

Some examples – and these are general, so I am not directly talking about any specific post or question or person.  I’m not.  Honest.  I really couldn’t tell you who asked.  Can only say what my internal response was.

1.  I got a revision letter from an editor and don’t know what to do.  Should I revise?  I gotta admit, I see this one every week and each time I do I get a headache.  Seems to me, if you want to write for your own enjoyment and don’t care if anyone else ever reads it or wants to publish it, then sure, by all means don’t revise and blow the editor off.  Otherwise, why is this a question?  You submitted to this editor, I’m assuming, and are trying to get his/her attention.  You have it.  Good for you.  Now, run with it.  I get the "protect the work" aspect but focus on the real life "get it published" aspect.  Revise it.

2.  What is the exact percentage division between romance and suspense in a Silhouette Intimate Moment v. Harlequin Intrigue?  This one makes me nutty.  I can tell you for the record, I’ve heard Denise Sullivan (HI uber editor) speak and it appears to drive her nutty as well.  The three times I’ve heard someone ask her this question she exhaled, got a blank look on her face and then said the same thing: there is no exact percentage division and for HI the romance and suspense can’t be separated. Yes, that’s what she said.  There was also an implied sense of: please stop asking this.  I felt sorry for her because she had the look of someone who wanted to scream and who was very, very sick of answering this question.  Now, to be fair to everyone trying to break into these lines, I’ve seen published authors get sucked into this debate and give convoluted mathematical equations to figure out the breakdown.  No, no and no.  Listen to Denise Sullivan.  She’s the woman in the know.  Follow her advice.  Read SIMs and HIs, write your book and send it in without dusting off your high school algebra.  Seems to me you run the risk of compromising the writing if you have to use a calculator to do it.

3. Should I enter XXXX contest?  This one is a mystery.  Why would you ask other people to answer this question for you?  This just seems so personal, you know,  the kind of question only you can answer.  And, the answer probably depends on how much money you have to throw away, who the contest judges are, which contest it is, how far along your manuscript is, what you’re looking to get out of a contest and when the deadline is as compared to the date on which you ask the question, unless you feel like paying even more for postage to send it by express mail.   

What am I missing?  Really, I’m as happy as the next person to obsess, and when there’s no real need to do so, all the better.  I excel at this type of thing actually.  But, should I be asking these questions and, if so, why.  What does everyone know that I don’t?

I start a story without fanfare….or much planning.  Really, almost no prior plotting is involved when I sit down to write.  I often have a stupid moment somewhere along the line in a manuscript where I stop and say "wait, the hero had a brother?"  then have to go back and make sure my writing brain had some inkling before the rest of me did.  Strangely enough, the foundation is usually there.

My process is ridiculous.  No, really, it’s ridiculous.  I carry around these little notebooks – usually only one at a time because I don’t want to look like a total dweeb.   A thought will hit me and I’ll write it down.  When the idea starts to stick in my head – whether it’s an opening scene or a general plot idea – I write my little notes.  These notes are unreadable and would not be even slightly coherent to anyone else.  Frankly, if you read them you’d be convinced I’m insane.  The point is that I try to spin this handwritten mess into something, sit down and begin.  If it’s a romantic suspense, I’ll generally know who gets to die but not necessarily why or how.  No long synopsis.  No outline.  Just the scribbled notes of a crazy woman. 

The plot develops as I go along.  Then, every day (I say that as if I actually write every day like I should – but I do try, honest) I start by reviewing what I wrote the day before, edit that then I move forward.  Thanks to some bizarre compulsion, if I’m on chapter 3, I’ll go back to the beginning of the manuscript, to chapter 1, and read through and edit before I can start writing chapter 3.  This helps the characters to form in my mind (or so I like to believe) and for me to work on issues like continuity and plot flow (well, I’m hoping that’s true).  At some point about half way through the book, I stop going back to chapter 1 to start every writing day and, instead, limit the process to the previous 3 chapters.  Otherwise, each book would take me exactly 4 years to write and I can’t have that.  Rejections take 4 years so I must write faster to stay ahead of the thick envelopes that will soon clutter my mailbox.

I’ve heard Suzanne Brockmann speak about her process.  She starts with some horrifyingly long synopsis, like 90 pages, then "the book writes itself" from there.  Yeah, she said that and since I like her I didn’t throw anything at her.  I once heard Jennifer Crusie say "I write the good parts first" which is completely foreign to me since I have no freaking idea what the good parts are before I start.  I’ve mentioned Alison Kent’s plotting board and the nightmares that thing gave me.  If you’ve been to Nationals (RWA’s annual conference) you’ve gotten the thick book of handouts which inevitably includes about 100 charts, graphs and power point presentations on characters and plot.  I can’t even look through that book without vomiting.  If I’m supposed to being doing that I’m dead ’cause I can’t write using those devices.

We all have our way of doing this.  But, I often wonder if my way is really the right way for me.  This usually coincides with some writing life crisis, like when I decide I suck and should go into retail sales instead of trying to write a book.  Can we change our process?  I can’t imagine doing this another way.  Hell, I can barely do it the way I do it.  Should we try to change?  The answer, probably, is no.  Why change something that works or that we think works.  With my luck I’d change the process and then realize the only thing I had going for me was the unwieldy original process.  Very upsetting.

Some clean-up from the last two days.  Some thanks, congrats and comments….and then I’m done on these issues.

-congrats to Wendy for having the guts to blog about RTB even though she knew it put her butt on the line.  She’s a grown-up and can speak for herself but I do want to say something – despite what some comments have suggested, she didn’t do it just to be controversial.  She did it because she is excited about the concept of RTB and wants it to be successful and, yes, sometimes that means RTB needs to be controversial too.  She pointed out it also needs to be diverse and relevant and interesting.  Constructive criticisms not snarkiness.  She is allowed to have an opinion and should be able to do so without having her motives questioned.

-kudos to Alison for stepping into the RTB fray when she could have remained silent.  Do I get the anonymity in the first place?  Honestly, no,  but that was her choice and she’s entitled to it.  Of course stepping up meant more slams and another line of people waiting to berate her.  My suggestion?  We all back off and leave the woman alone.  She’s working her tush off for the romance genre and keeps getting told she’s somehow responsible for everything wrong with  it.  Please, enough.

-hugs to Lydia for sharing some personal feelings and saying difficult things.  One of the entries you put up last night is now gone but it probably felt cathartic to write it.

-a big thanks to Lee Goldberg for linking to my site and sending all manner of crazies over to visit me.  I’m tempted to forward my emails to him but will refrain because he’s related to Wendy.

-big kiss to my hubby for showing restraint when posting on my blog.  I know what you wanted to say about the copyright issues.  Thank you for not doing so.

-jeers to the 11 people who wrote me privately on the slash issue.  And, no, Steve whatever-your-real-name-is, I am not a "prissy little bitch who needs a good lay" – that’s a bit personal, don’t you think?  I’m thinking we could disagree without the nastiness.  You know, like adults.

One thing that is now clear is how clueless I am.  I never thought yesterday’s post would cause a stir.  Hell, I never thought Wendy’s would touch off such a riot or I never would have pushed (yes, dared) her to do it.  Is all this chatter bad?  For Alison, probably.  For the rest of us?  I’m thinking it’s good.  Thinking, feeling, getting angry, having your views challenged, making the genre better, pushing for public recognition – all good.  Right?

The other member of my household, you all know who I mean, has been telling me I am not as cool as I think I am for about a year now.  He insists I don’t know what’s "in" and, strangely, that he somehow does.  Yeah, right.  I thought he was nuts until I stumbled across the idea of slash writing.  Five little words jumped into my muddled brain – What The Hell Is This?

After checking around, I ended up on a site called, appropriately enough, Sacrilege.  According to Mr. or Mrs. Sacrilege, slash writing is:

Well, the short definition is "fanfiction written about romantic or sexual relationships occurring between two same-gender characters, usually male. The characters used in the fiction are denoted by X/Y, where X and Y are the characters’ initials or names.

Again, what the hell is this?  Or, are you kidding me?  Either question works. 

I did more digging and figured out that the above "writing" tends to be based on existing television show characters where the male actors are not gay on the show but where the slash writing puts them in homoerotic relationships.  Yes, this appears to be a violation of, well, everything.  Using other people’s characters?  That certainly doesn’t seem right to me.  Putting these well known characters in situations that, at best, can be described as out of context?  Well, that’s just wrong in my book.  Make up your own characters and do whatever you want to them.  Right?  Apparently not.  The website goes on to say:

Yes, the writers of slash tales are mostly women. I think it’s partly because straight females find gay males sexy, just like straight males are turned on by lesbians. But it may be more complex than that, too, because I find that women writers tend to like working out emotional and power issues in the relationship of two men that does not happen with a man and a woman. It’s not just the sex that’s important to us as the stories.

For the record, I’m not turned on by the idea or visual image of gay males having sex.  Do whatever you want in your personal life but this is not my thing.  But, and I can only take Mr. or Mrs. Sacrilege at his/her word, I guess it’s good to know sex isn’t the only thing in these stories.  ‘Tho I’m guessing it’s a big part and that Mr. or Mrs. Sacrilege is downplaying that angle a bit.

When talking about slash writing regarding Sherlock Holmes and Watson – yes, it appears nothing is sacred – this advice is given:

How shall Holmes and Watson mesh a slash relationship with their own Victorian beliefs, deal with Victorian laws against homosexual relations, or prevent themselves from being caught by Scotland Yard? This would be an optional thing to address, depending on the purpose and nature of the slash tale in question.

Hubby wins.  I’m out of touch.  Thank. The. Lord.

If for some reason you want to check this out – and don’t say I didn’t warn you in advance – here is the website.  Oh, and there are 1000s more like it.  Have fun.