So, you get the call and you celebrate.  You experience a huge rush relief and gratitude.  You have a moment or two of wallowing in your greatness until you remember, oh yeah, you’re not so great.  You plan where you’ll build your vacation house once you hit the NYT bestseller list which, of course, is destined to happen with book no. 2, that same book you haven’t actually sold yet.  You jump around like an idiot (that one might just be me).  And then…..you panic.  Big-time panic.  Like, haven’t been able to write a coherent thing in 11 days panic.  It’s the kind of mind-numbing emotion that starts with "maybe I should have gotten an agent first" and ends with "wait a minute, is that contract provision in English?"  Yeah, the contract is a wake-up call wrapped up in a Mike Tyson-sized fist unless you understand that the publishing co. is in the business of making money and wants to protect its interests. 

Now, I like to think I’m pretty smart - not that I am but that I like to think so - but the arrival of the contract, while thrilling, did make my heart pound, and not in the good romance writing kind of way.  More like in the I-need-a-stress-test kind of way.  If you start this process with a plan that includes an agent or some other warm body who goes out and pimps your manuscript, this first part of the publishing process might not be so daunting.  For the rest of us - it’s the subject of nightmares.

On my list of things to do to prevent Kensington Publishing from owning my house after some future lawsuit is over was:

1.  Made lawyer hubby, the contract specialist, read it.  Twice.

2. Emailed  Wendy and whined.  I do this every day so, really, this may not count as part of my prep work prior to signing the contract.  But, she did provide helpful information in her usual straightforward manner.  That was right before she started talking about bending over, vaseline and the need for an agent.

3.  Checked out Brenda Hiatt’s "Show Me The Money" to see if she had any insight into advances for first-time authors.  This is not the chart you want to look at if you are naive enough to think you can sell one book and quit your day job.

4.  Checked out the contract articles on the RWA website.  This is a series from 1998.  This being 2005 and all, this was not as helpful as you might think. 

5.  Zoomed around the internet looking for the "watch out for this contract clause" sites.

6.  Emailed fellow Brava author Sylvia and asked her some lame questions, all of which she answered with her usual charm and grace, but don’t email her with your questions because she has kids and a husband and books to write.  And, she’s my source for information so I want her to always have time for me.  The good news is that she didn’t say anything about vaseline but it may have been implied.

7.  Called a literary attorney and had the damn thing reviewed one last time.

I survived and in the end it wasn’t that bad and the folks at Kensington were professional and friendly.  But, my advice is : don’t ever just sign.  If you do, Wendy has a jar of vaseline she can send you.

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