HelenKay Dimon

Here I sit waiting for reviews and some feedback for my first published novella - yeah, I’m still upset Shannon has her April RT (and received a 4 Star review!!) and my copy of RT has not arrived…grumble, grumble, grumble…

No matter the view on my writing, I figure it will be better than this review Tess Gerritsen received for The Surgeon.

Tess Gerritsen’s latest detective novel The Surgeon is abusive garbage. If Gerritsen weren’t a woman, she would be accused justifiably of misogyny, and the world would be a better place if she had stuck to her medical practice…

But, really, my favorite part of the review is where he says Gerritsen is “the only author I have read in 40 years who makes me want to slap her.”

Okay, let me be clear. Anyone slaps me, I slap them back. Anyone threatens to slap me, I slap them back. Getting the picture? There will be no slapping or talk of slapping me. Ever.

I had to read this book deal a few times to get it. Okay, if I’m being honest, I had to google the author, figure out Anastasia Day is a pseudonym for popular erotic romance author Angela Knight and that the Bodice Ripper one is an ebook re-release. Still, doesn’t the first book, as it’s described, sound like a non-fiction analysis of the “bodice ripper” genre of the past? Well, I thought so. Thanks to this, I don’t now.

Here’s the deal:

Anastasia Day’s BODICE RIPPERS, a look at those politically incorrect romances of the 1980s with a kinkier spin in three novellas, and LOVE BITES, with vampires and a little bondage, to Cindy Hwang for Berkley Heat, by Roberta Brown of the Brown Literary Agency (world).

Maybe everyone else has heard of this author and this book. Unfortunately I must admit that this would not be the first time I lagged behind on a writing/book issue.

The author: Lucy Ellmann
The book: Doctors & Nurses
The blurb in Entertainment Weekly that caught my attention:

In this filthy, hilarious, and absolutely furious little novel, Ellmann introduces Jen, an obese nurse with a letch for her new hunky boss, a doctor who tends to kill his patients. The mad plot - affair, betrayal, murder - is just a vehicle for Ellmann’s stunning rifts on everything from the language of handbags (”Tiny shiny hand-held PODS for flighty ice maidens; galumphing CARPET-BAGS for the jilted and the jaded…”) to drainage: “People are always draining things! Not just WOUNDS, or PASTA, but innocent things like MARSHLAND.”

Kirkus says this:

In Ellmann’s cruel world, the medical profession is a dangerous sham; fat women are openly despised; and the only love that’s worthwhile is love of self. Sharp, offbeat and occasionally off-putting; Ellmann delivers a rarity in the world of fiction-a comic novel of ideas.

Publishers Weekly said the book “is not for the squeamish” but called it hilarious. Library Journal, well, hated it. My favorite part of that review was:

By the end, numerous people have been overdosed, sodomized, or hacked with knives. One gets the sense the author feels incredibly clever and liberated by all these expressions of rage. Not recommended.

On top of all those reviews, be forewarned: apparently Ellmann has this habit of randomly capitalizing letters (see direct quotes above for an example). I gotta say that I think that’s odd. But, come on, a story that somehow combines the concepts of hacked with knives and hilarious - how could I say no?

A huge thanks to Ellen for pointing this out to me…

From Tami on the RT Readers’ Roundtable about my novella in When Good Things Happen To Bad Boys:

“This is the most exciting and unique first novel I’ve ever read by an author. If this a taste of what Ms Dimon is capable of writing, then I really can’t wait for her books to start filling the shelves. ”

Tami enjoyed the anthology and, frankly, I love her. Don’t even know her last name, but I love her.

I stole that title from Entertainment Weekly. That’s what they call this week’s dedicated chick lit review section. The spotlight genre for this section rotates with each issue. Either mysteries or comic books held it last week. Can’t remember. Anyway…here are the highlights (or lowlights, depending on how you look at this):

Learning Curves by Gemma Townley - “Former environment activist Jen Bell goes undercover to spy on her estranged father’s shady business practices.” The reviewer says: “The business and family dramas are nowhere near as interesting as Jen’s courtship with bookseller Daniel.” Sounds like a romance to me. Not sure where this Daniel fits in, but I like the idea. EW gave it a B.

The Little Lady Agency by Hester Browne - This one keeps showing up in what we call “women’s magazines” - that means Elle and Vogue, for those who still aren’t clear. The reviewer says: “Melissa’s [heroine] cluelessness borders on pathological, but Browne has a sure touch with plot and dialogue.” If you think “pathological” translates into a low grade…think again. This one got the highest of the week with a B+.

Some Like It Haute by Julie K.L. Dam - Also a magazine favorite. I’m most intrigued by the author’s last name. I thought Dimon (think diamond) caused problems. Can you imagine the issues having Dam as a last name must cause? This book has something to do with Paris couture shows. Really, this is just not my thing. Reviewer didn’t love it either. Gave it a B- and says: “…could have used some serious tailoring.”

Fashionably Late by Beth Kendrick - Sounds like a bit of L.A. bashing happens in this one. The reviewer says: “Kendrick does a nice job of skewering the L.A. scene, but her characters fall flat on the page.” It got a C+, which for EW is a pretty low chick lit grade.

Entertainment Weekly provided all sorts of interesting book news this weekend. Not interesting as in “my book is in there” or as in “my friend’s book is in there” - unless you count the fact I’ve been in a room with James Patterson, Lisa Gardner and Nora Roberts and they’re all in there on the bestseller list, but I think no.

The first item of interest - think of it as The Item Of The Day - is a comparison of two post-Da Vinci Code knock-offs…I mean books. They are The Last Templar by Raymond Khoury and The Templar Legacy by Steve Berry. I’ll go ahead right up front and admit I haven’t read the Da Vinci Code and don’t plan to. Everyone else on the planet has, and has apparently purchased at least 8 copies, so Dan Brown is fine without my money. It’s also possible I won’t get to see the movie because my hubby, for reasons that are not completely clear, hates - hates - Tom Hanks, and he’s the star.

Back to the comparison… In case you wondered, here’s how these two break down:

-Plot of Last - “Hunted by a ruthless man of the cloth, a willful archaeologist and a dogged FBI agent race to find the Templar’s big secret.”
-Plot of Legacy - “Hunted by a ruthless man of the cloth, a willful Justice Dept. boss and a dogged ex-aide race to find a big secret.”

-Average chapter length of Last - 4.5 pages
-Average chapter length of Legacy - 7 pages

EW grade of Last - C-
EW grade of Legacy - B

I’d add these:

-cost of both - $24.95

-Recent Bookscan rank of Last - # 24
-Recent Bookscan rank of Legacy - Not on there
-Recent Bookscan rank of The Da Vinci Code - # 12 and last week was #16, so the damn thing is gaining again.

-chance of me reading either - less than zero

For those who like it hard - I’m talking about hardcover books here… When Good Things Happen To Bad Boys is a Doubleday Bookclub Selection (thank you again, Lori Foster). The book isn’t available yet, but the page is up on the Doubleday Bookclub site. The blurb goes like this:

Three of today’s hottest romance authors come together in sinfully sexy stories.

Physician Axel Dean thinks gorgeous Libby is just what the doctor ordered. She may be a virgin, but she wants Axel—and he’s not the man to say no to “Playing Doctor”….

In “The Lady by the Lake,” pro basketball player Dylan Diaz falls head over heels for a teacher with a nun’s personality in a stripper’s body….

“Hardhats and Silk Stockings” finds contractor Whit Thomas working alongside the world’s most infuriating—and sexy—architect who, he decides, needs a night of uncontrolled bliss….Explicit sex.

One tiny problem with the synopsis of my story is that, umm, the facts are wrong. The heroine is the contractor and the hero is the architect. Probably doesn’t seem like a big idea if you haven’t read the story, but it’s one of those things that’s integral to the plot. I’m going with the view that this is a printing error and not a statement on whether or not anyone read my contribution to the anthology.

So…for those wanting the Doubleday version, you can order here.

You gotta love Mrs. Giggles. I read her reviews because, well, I just can’t stop myself. The victim - I mean author - of the day is Minda Webber and her book The Reluctant Miss Van Helsing. This is one of those books I keep seeing in the bookstore. The cover is a bit distinct. Not being a big paranormal fan, I didn’t pick it up yet, but thought about it…

Mrs. Giggles gave it a 37. Yeah, that’s out of 100.

With apologies to Minda Webber, I’m going to reprint the review blurb. I haven’t read the book, so this is not in any way my statement on the book. I just thought this was funny:

Awfully inept braindead spineless heroine + jackass hero + lots of painfully contrived issues + over the top comedy to mask the fact that the plot and the characters all suck like starving vampires = me screaming for a stake through my heart to end my misery.

In the interest of fairness, Best Reviews (Harriet Klausner) says this about the book:

This sensational screwy satirical sequel will have readers laughing at Jane’s capers and Neil’s reactions to her antics. The action- packed amusing story line also is loaded with literary references that are fun to follow as these witticisms augment a zany well written tale that howls for more.

You can decide.

Writing for the Yale Daily News, Dayo Olopade weighs in on chick lit with this article. The question Dayo (I’m not sure if Dayo is male or female so I will just say Dayo) seeks to answer is:

Women read more than men. They buy more books than men. But what, precisely, is being offered to today’s female reader? And what “literary standards” are in play?

From what I can gather, the research for this article consisted of looking at covers in a bookstore window and reading a few backcover blurbs. As a result Dayo concludes:

While I will not claim to have read each of these books and thus cannot conclusively judge them on their merits, the content of works like “Pushing 30″ and “Bergdorf Blondes,” also in the display case, seem crushingly geared toward reductionist perspectives on the modern woman.

Once again, chick lit appears to be the death of feminism as we know it:

The post-feminist movement has failed in some critical way. The women in these novels (and who write these novels) are “empowered” and “independent.” They have come so far that they can now revel in the frivolities that fostered stereotypes of weakness in the past. But the joke is on them. The preponderance of female writers who stick closely to such content betrays the storied history of female authorship. From Sappho to Mary Wollstonecraft to Jhumpa Lahiri to Rita Dove, women have written well, and about socioeconomic, cultural and situational realities far broader than the narrow world of the Chiclet chewers.

The good news for chick lit is that it appears to be in held higher esteeem than “bodice rippers” but by mere inches only:

But who is attacking the devolving state of “female” literature today? There were a dozen chick-lit titles in the window display and dozens more lurking on the shelves of the store itself. Why? The industry’s return to titles that barely deviate from the often-ridiculed bodice-ripping genre cannot be attributed to any one simple reality.

And, we now know the mere presence of chick lit in the universe destroys the credibility of female authors everywhere and for all time:

Firstly, the diminishing voice of the female author in the circles of literature comes at the hands of a willing audience. Danielle Steele, Janet Evanovich, Sophie Kinsella and others are fabulously wealthy and successful writers, buoyed by the gusto with which female readers devour their faithfully written, ritually published pop novels. I will not begrudge these women the same success as Steven King or Michael Crichton. Nor their readers a quick Jimmy Choo fix. But the perceived demand for such books squeezes out those female writers interested in more “serious” literature. A publisher takes a chance on a work like “The God of Small Things;” “Life, Love and the Pursuit of Hotties” promises greater returns.

This reality forces a segregation of content–and of gender. One need only look at the Modern Library’s list of the Best 100 novels of the past century to see the damage that has been wrought. Two women break the top 50, of only nine in total. This is a representative injustice.

Wonder what other social ills chick lit has caused. Heaven knows a genre written by women and for women can’t be smart, rich, captivating and worthwhile. See, this is what happens when you let women decide for themselves what they want to read and write…they destroy everything. Some would say that right-to-vote thing isn’t working out so well either.

For those worried about Alec Baldwin, his career, his ongoing custody proceedings and his ability to pay the mortgage - and I know that’s probably, well, none of you - never fear! Alec landed a book deal. Not just any old book deal. No, not Alec. He landed a “very significant” book deal. For those playing at home, that translates into the “very” high end of a $251,000-$499,000 range advance.

Here it is:

NON-FICTION: ADVICE/RELATIONSHIPS
Alec Baldwin’s book sharing his divorce experiences with other parents, in the hopes that it will “create opportunities for healing, and inspire both public debate and changes in antiquated divorce laws,” to Sally Richardson at St. Martin’s, with Jennifer Enderlin and Charles Spicer editing, in a very significant deal, at auction, for publication in mid-2007, by Karen Gantz (world).

The strange thing about this - to the extent I can find only one thing strange about this - is the fact Jennifer Enderlin of St. Martin’s is working on it. I always think of her as a romance/women’s fiction editor (and a highly regarded one). Looks as if her reach extends to other genres. Shows how much I know.

Wonder which publisher will pick up Kim Bassinger’s version of the book…