HelenKay Dimon

I stopped to look at the book because it had the best title ever – THEY CALL ME NAUGHTY LOLA. Yeah, there’s more. The rest of the title is: Personal Ads from the London Review of Books. The title comes from this ad:

They call me Naughty Lola. Run of the mill beardy physicist — male, 46.

NPR (online) reprinted some of the gems. Here are my favorites:

I like my women the way I like my kebab. Found by surprise after a drunken night out, and covered in too much tahini. Before long I’ll have discarded you on the pavement of life, but until then you’re the perfect complement to a perfect evening. Man, 32. Rarely produces winning metaphors.

Romance is dead. So is my mother. Man, 42, inherited wealth.

Save it. Anything you’ve got to say can be said to my lawyer. But if you’re not my ex-wife, why not write to box no. 5377? I enjoy vodka, canasta, evenings in, and cold, cold revenge.

Blah blah, whatever. Indifferent woman. Go ahead and write. Box no. 3253. Like I care.

Attention male London Review of Books readers: ‘Greetings, earthling — I have come to infest your puny body with legions of my spawn’ is no way to begin a reply. Female, 36 — suspicious of any men declaring themselves to be in possession of a ‘great sense of humor.’

These people should write books.

If you’re writing erotic short stories – by that I mean 5,000 to 15,000 words (so, less than the usual novella length), Harlequin’s new eBook program called Spice Briefs might be your answer. You probably know that Spice is Harlequin’s erotic romance imprint. It’s not hard to figure out that “Spice Brief” then means short erotic stories.

Here’s what I know (in case you’re too lazy to click on the link I have here): All genres, all POVs, and most sexual subjects are welcome. You submit your full manuscripts electronically to Editor Susan Pezzack Swinwood at spicebriefs@harlequin.ca.

I have only read two Spice books and have yet to fall in love with the imprint. But, I’d be willing to give it another shot and try new authors under this plan… unless the price of these offerings is ridiculous, which I can’t imagine is the case.

If this is what you write, give it a shot.

I know some authors dread the arrivals of book galleys (the last editing stop before a book goes to print). Yeah, the galleys always arrive at the wrong time – ie, when you are under deadline to do something else and don’t need one more deadline. But, I actually kind of like seeing the thick galley package arrive. In addition to the excitement that comes with seeing my 400 page manuscript turned into a 297 formatted book, the arrival of the galleys brings something else – the expectation that the ARCs (Advance Reader Copies) will be showing up soon.

Kensington does many things very well. Sending out uncorrected proofs (think ARCs) is one of them See, within two weeks of getting the galleys, you get the uncorrected proofs, the bound (coverless) versions of your books that are sent out for review.

Yesterday the Fedex guy pulled up and unloaded a box of review copies of YOUR MOUTH DRIVES ME CRAZY. I am a happy camper. I love this part. Well, this and seeing the cover for the first time and seeing the final book for the first time. Actually, I love all of these parts.

If anyone out there wants a review copy, let me know.

I read Mrs. Giggles’ review of Richelle Mead’s SUCCUBUS BLUES. Mrs. Giggles loved it. I reviewed it for PBR and loved it. Bam loved it. So, yeah, go buy the book. I put the link right there, so you don’t have an excuse not to do it right now.

What I did find interesting was that all of the reviews had some form of “I know you’re sick of this genre, but…” in it. Mrs. Giggles said: “Yes, yes, we already have a million urban fantasy series out there and you have no time or money to follow another one. It’s your loss.” Bam said: “Let’s get the confession out of the way. I so did not want to read this book. In fact, I had no intention of reading it.” I felt the same way as these two ladies and said something similar.

What does it mean for the genre that we all write reviews and talk about the new offerings from the standpoint of “I know you’re sick of this genre, but…” As with romantic suspense and chick lit before it (and erotic romance on the horizon), I’m thinking at a point in the very near future, readers will go searching for something else, sales will shrink and some authors will get tossed. Left over will be a fresher and more streamlined paranormal market. This probably isn’t a bad thing except to those authors who are tossed aside, but it is a sad thing.

I’m just thinking if we’re at the point where we’re justifying why you should pick up one more paranormal title, the genre is headed for a fall. Reviewers justifying their choices is one thing. Readers needing a reason to buy one more paranormal should be a scary thing for the industry since it is now so dependent on paranormal in its offerings.

I use this blog to chat, whine, joke – whatever. Not today.

Today I’m asking a favor – please keep Ellen Fisher and her young children in your thoughts. Ellen’s husband died of lung cancer yesterday. So, if you’re someone who prays, then please pray for them. Whatever you do when someone suffers an unimaginable loss, please do it for Ellen.

I was talking with an author pal the other day. She pointed out that some of her author friends are having trouble. Contracts are getting pulled, print-runs are falling – in general, it’s enough to send any smart-thinking (ie, paranoid and insecure) author into apoplexy.

The tale of woe got me thinking about the one-hit wonders of the past. You know, the folks who wrote one book and fell off the face of the earth. Of course, I can’t actually name one since, well, they fell off the face of the earth and are now forgotten…and, really, how sad is that.

I do remember, before I got published, hearing a lot of grumbling by published authors about the dreaded Sophomore Slump. About being unable to sell that second book. I avoided that problem and am eternally grateful for that fact. But, I have to say that pretty much every romance author I know (by “know” I mean I read their blogs or they’re my MySpace friend or something like that) avoided that pitfall. In fact, some folks have sold so many books after selling that debut title that I have to fight off the urge to smack them. ::ahem:: But that’s my issue.

Maybe the Sophomore Slump has become the junior or senior slump. Maybe the Sophomore Slump never was as big an issue for romance authors as opposed to some other genres. Who knows. And, honestly, it’s not as if the angst has gone away. I’ve sold 7 novellas and 4 single titles to Brava since May 2005, and I’m convinced every single freaking day that the end is near. But, again, that’s my issue.

I do wonder if something in publishing has changed. Is the Sophomore Slump now less likely because publishers enter into multi-book contracts at the start? Is it happening and I’m not seeing it? Or are the concerns my author friend was talking about – shortened contracts and lowered print-runs – the “new” secret career killers? Or…do I have enough to worry about and should let this go? Probably the latter.

When I first started reading romance, I would find an author, enjoy her work, and then run out and buy her backlist. If you don’t believe me, I’ll show you a photo of the one bookcase I have that is devoted entirely to the backlist of Jayne Ann Krentz. If you’re looking for one of her category romances or any early JAK romance, or any JAK book, and can’t find it, I bet I have it.

Since I started writing (and getting paid to do so), my reading time is a bit more limited. I make time to read whenever I can because I enjoy it so much, but it is a bit harder to fit in at my old level. This is less about me being sooooo busy than it is about me feeling guilty reading when I should be writing. But, the strange thing is that I don’t do the author backlist glom like I used to.

This realization hit me over the weekend when Wendy and I were writing up a review of Lover Revealed by J.R. Ward for PBR. [By the way, the cool new website look over there is all Wendy's work - amazing, isn't it?] I really think Ward is the first author in a long time where I read a book, loved it and went back to seek out previous titles by the same author. In Ward’s case, I had missed the first in the Brotherhood series and had to double back lest I be forever lost.

There have been other books I’ve really enjoyed and other authors I thought were terrific, but I can’t think of a single author in the last year – other than Ward – where I read the book and raced to find the author’s backlist, including titles only available at used bookstores. None. For example, I was late to the party when it came to Jennifer Crusie and Meg Cabot. Love them both. But, while I’ve picked up a title here and there, I have not made it a point to complete my Cabot/Crusie library or read through the books with my historical abandon. Why?

Actually, I have no idea why this is the case, but I do find it a little sad. I remember falling in love with the romance genre and discovering new authors. The joy of finding obscure backlist titles that has not been re-released. That’s kind of gone now.

I frequently see a cover and try to remember where I saw one just like that recently. I had one of those moments when checking out Marjorie Liu’s cover for Soul Song, a July ‘07 release. The cover sent me searching because it reminded me of one I just saw somewhere. That’s when I remembered the cover for Wild Thing, an anthology by Maggie Shayne, Marjorie Liu, Alyssa Day and Meljean Brook.

I’m not alone, right? These two look the same and share an author…right? But, I swear I’ve seen this photo on another cover. Just can’t remember where.

And the Brava question/answer game continues. For those who have emailed me to ask this or that or comment privately, you guys can post on the board, you know. If you’re wondering about something, then someone else probably is as well.

So, to Round Three:

Question: What motivated you to make a decision to become a writer?

Answer: Uh, insanity? Really, only a person filled with self-hate or rocks-for-brains would decide to go into a career with unstable pay, loads of rejection and hours of solitary confinement with a laptop (and not the online fun part). But, really, I became a writer because I felt compelled to do so. And, of course, because of that liar/great imagination issue I talked about yesterday.

Question: Are you a plotter or seat-of-the-pants writer? Which comes first characters or plot?

Answer: This answer will prove the insanity thing above. I am a pantser. I start with a kernel of an idea. I write about three chapters, then I go back and flush out characters and the direction of the story after that. But, no outline. No proposal. No idea where the hell I’m going. Tod Goldberg is a writing instructor and recently told me one of his first class assignments is to have the class write the end to their book. I found this horrifying. I have no idea what the ending will be when I start. The only reason I don’t stick a pencil in my eye every single time I’m faced with a deadline is that I once heard Jayne Ann Krentz speak on this subject. She said she can’t write outlines or proposals because if she did, the book would basically be written in her head and she wouldn’t be able to do anything else on it. That’s how it works for me.

Question: What is your favorite part of writing? Least favorite?

Answer: Favorite: I have so many. I love sending off the finished book to my editor. Seeing the cover for the first time. Holding the book in my hands and running my fingers over my name. Glancing over and seeing my book on a bookstore shelf along with writers I read and admire. Least: Actually sitting down and doing it. People say things like, “this book wrote itself” and I want to scream. I’d be thrilled if the little suckers wrote themselves, but they don’t. They expect me to write them. Stupid books.

Question: How in the world do you guys write the sex scenes?

Answer: I use visual aides.

Okay, that’s a joke. The reality is that the sex scenes are the least interesting parts for me to write. In fact, if I try to force it and add one where it shouldn’t be, I have a terrible time. I’ve heard authors who write for other imprints say the editor called and asked for more sex. If Kate Duffy did that I’d probably burst into tears. I’m not a throw-a-sex-scene-in-there gal. The goal, for me, is to have the sex scenes be intrinsic to the plot, realistic and true to the characters.

Did you notice how I kind of evaded that question…

Question: Who are the hero characters are based on? Are any of your characters based on real people?

Answer: It’s all fiction. There are bits of people and characteristics of people I know or have met (or am) in there. But, really, I try to create characters that are more interesting than real people but who still manage to be realistic.

Question: Have you ever had writer’s block?

Answer: No. I’ve avoided it by refusing to beleive in its existence. I’m not trying to be flip, but I don’t understand it. If I’m having trouble, I revise what I’ve already written and try to move forward from there. My biggest problem is not writer’s block, it’s can’t-put-the-butt-in-the-chair block. It’s a matter of discipline and, unfortunately, I don’t have any now that I write full time.

I’ll answer the rest tomorrow…

Here are more answers to questions never really asked at the Brava Authors Blog, but they were proposed, so I answer:

Question: I’d love to know which authors other authors MUST read.

Answer: Yeah, me too. Anyone know?? Really, though, I’m thinking this differs depending on what you’re writing, but maybe not. Now, in making a list there is a huge risk in missing someone or some piece of work. So, view this as a sampling.

I think everyone should read Kazuo Ishiguro (author of Remains of the Day). He’s as close to brilliant in terms of storytelling ability and subtle, spare writing as I can think of. For romance that manages to be funny and entertaining, yet provides a lesson in well-done craft, I love Jennifer Crusie and Lani Diane Rich. For romantic suspense I enjoy a whole host of favorites, so I’m not even sure where to start. For mystery I like early Michael Connelly (but stop when you get to Concrete Blonde). I thoroughly enjoyed Stephen King’s On Writing. I think Tod Goldberg’s story Simplify in his short story collection of the same name is incredible – but don’t tell him because there will be no living with him. In terms of all-time favs, I love Jayne Ann Krentz, Julie Garwood and Susan Elizabeth Phillips. New favorites include , Pamela Clare, JR Ward, Stephanie Bond, Gennita Low and Meg Cabot (yeah, I’m late to that particular party, I know). On top of that there are specific books I have read and re-read, such as Nora Roberts’ Eastern Shore trilogy, Lori Foster’s Too Much Temptation/Never Too Much, Alison Kent’s SG-5 series and others. And, of course, I devour most of the Brava releases with a zeal you might find scary.

Question: Do you seek out reviews, how much do negative reviews affect you and do you pay much attention to reader reviews left on sites like Amazon?

Answer: I seek out all mentions of myself – anywhere, anytime. Google is a wonderful thing. This is less about having a giant ego and more about fearing that no one is actually talking about me or my books at all. The latter seems like a very bad thing to me.

Negative reviews affect me for that day, then I imagine hitting the reviewer repeatedly with my car. But, I swear, that’s a visual imagine only and not something I would actually do. Or, I email my cp and whine to her and she assures me the reviewer is an idiot. That works almost as well as the visualization. I don’t pay much attention at all to Amazon and B&N reviews. Part of the problem is that I once received a very fine review for a novella that didn’t exist. Come on now. Even Nora’s not that good. One must write the novella before anyone can declare it brilliant.

Now, I will say that anonymous reviews on B&N and Amazon make me want to smack someone. I think those should be banned. I further think that people who write them with an agenda – revenge, hurt an author’s sale, etc – should be unmasked and publicly humiliated. But, that’s me. Can you tell some loser wrote a series of bad reviews about VIVA LAS BAD BOYS! on B&N and pretended to be different people? Yeah, it set off the B&N fraud alert and the B&N folks emailed me. I’ve asked that the person’s identity be revealed (you know, so I can “out” the person here), but B&N is ignoring that request for now.

Question: What I have wondered for a long time is how does a female author really know how a male thinks and feels? Do you ever ask a male if for his opinion of what you have written?

Answer: Just from living in the world. I have a dad and two older brothers. I’ve lived with my hubby for more than 10 years now. Some things are universal. And, not to be offensive, but sometimes their thought processes just aren’t that complex. In general, I find most men to be more sensitive, honorable and decent than we think at first look. It’s just not as out there on the surface as it is with some women. And, have I mentioned I was a divorce lawyer for 12 years? Yeah, you get a good bit of insight into men, their thinking and their problem-solving abilities when you deal with them on a confidential basis, seeing them at their most emotional and worst behaved.

Question:How long did it take you to get published? Do you have any advice for aspiring authors?

Answer: I wrote for a few years, some months being much more “into it” than others. In October 2003, I decided I either had to commit and try to make writing a career or accept that writing would be something I did for myself as a hobby. I wanted the career. In May 2005, after a non-stop writing/practicing push, I got THE CALL from Kate Duffy at Brava. So, after the commitment, it took 18 months. And, I was lucky. For some people the time is more like 18 years.

For advice I’d say a few things: read widely both inside and outside the genre in which you want to write; be professional; set goals; write, write, write; if you’re going to have someone review your work, make sure the person knows what she is doing and is someone you can trust; listen to advice but be prepared to ignore some of it; do what works for you; remember that editors DO know what they’re doing and your book might not be so great after all; learn to take criticism; take advantage of legitimate opportunities; inform yourself as to the genre; believe and work hard; and, remember if it were so damn easy then everyone would be doing it. Also, and this is the tough one, understand that there is no birthright to being a published author (just as there is no birthright to keep being published…unfortunately). Some people shouldn’t be and won’t be. Some people shouldn’t be and are. And, really, there’s nothing you can do about the latter group so suck it up, keep your mouth shut, write and submit. Someone else’s career is not yours. Your career is yours and you have to want it, sacrifice for it and be smart about it.

Question: Do you think it is worthwhile to have an agent?

Answer: Have you seen these book contracts? I’m a lawyer and my eyes cross by page 37. There are provisions in there that will make you chuckle. How about the one that says who holds the rights to the dolls for VIVA LAS BAD BOYS!? Really? Let’s just say that if the lawyer drafting the contract on behalf of the publishing house is doing his or her job, the contract ain’t gonna favor the author. Get your own representation, but make sure the person knows what the hell they’re doing. My guy does. Many I’ve heard about – and names you hear all the time – don’t.

Also, you’ll hear that new authors and category (Harlequin/Silhouette) authors don’t need agents. I can’t speak for category since I don’t write it and haven’t seen a contract. All I can say is that I got an agent for my third book deal – the one that was my first single title deal. For me, it was a peace of mind issue. I trusted my editor, but I wanted to have someone on my team in case Brava decided to drop me or whatever. Second, I wanted to write and not negotiate. I didn’t want my relationship with my editor to be all business. I wanted it to be about writing.

And, the last question(s) for the day – these are unrelated but were posed by the same person, so I’ll answer both now:

Question: Do you plan to write only romances or do you have an interest in other genres?

Answer: Why? What have you heard about my future career prospects in romance? You can tell me. Please tell me…

Actually, I read across many genres. I don’t know if I could write in other genres, but I don’t rule it out. Right now I am very happy in romance and have many more ideas I want to turn into books…if Brava will let me. I do have a few ideas for suspense novels – because I’m a huge fan of the mystery/suspense genre – but those are future possibilities. So, yeah, you’re all stuck with me in romance for now.

Question: Do you ever take real life situations and fictionalize them for your books?

Answer: Is this your subtle way of asking if I’ve ever handcuffed my husband to the ceiling like poor Whit in my first novella… Email me. ::ahem::

I do take bits and pieces of life, but by the time I’m done with those bits and pieces, they don’t resemble anything that’s ever really happened. The blackout in VIVA LAS BAD BOYS! did happen while I was there. I have the photos on my Photo Page to prove it. Also, I’ve spent a great deal of time in Hawaii (thanks to the fact my in-laws live there and husband grew up there), so that much of the background info on Hawaii in my upcoming release YOUR MOUTH DRIVES ME CRAZY is based on things I’ve seen and know. I recently finished a single author anthology follow-up to the novella in WHEN GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO BAD BOYS which takes place in a house that’s being renovated. The house is based on an actual house in Dupont Circle in Washington, DC. And, the single title I am about to start takes place at a high adventure hiking spa in Southern Utah. A few years ago, my friend Suzanne and I went to a spa that fits that exact description, so I will put some of what I know into that as well.

Still not answering the handcuffs question…