I was paging through a magazine and came across this book called Love Life by Ray Kuhn. It’s a book Kuhn wrote about his life while his wife was dying from cancer. Sounds heart-breaking, doesn’t it? Yeah, but probably not in the way you think.
Seems Kuhn, who liked to sleep around during his marriage, went into full nail-every-chick mode while his wife fought for her life. Kuhn did an interview with Marie Claire (click on the link to read it). Here’s his explanation for his behavior:
MC: You call this a love story, but over the course of the book, the main character — based on you — repeatedly cheats on his wife. Explain?
RK: I loved my wife very much, and, on one hand, I was the ideal partner. I quit my job, went to all the chemotherapies, did everything I could to be there. Psychologists say when people give all their love and energy to a partner with cancer, they escape into a weakness they already have. So workaholics will work 80 hours a week, others will use alcohol or drugs. What I used to think of as an innocent thing — having sex with someone else once a year or so — became an obsession.
::deep cleansing breath to keep from killing someone::
I know people deal with grief in different ways. I also know that people have very different views on what constitutes fidelity and appropriate marital conduct. From years of being a divorce lawyer, I also know what works in some marriages would be the death knell in others. But, come on. This seems more about him getting his needs met than anything else. You need to have sex or get drunk or whatever to deal with your wife’s illness, well, congratulations for making her illness all about you. Get over it.
Can you tell I got a bit pissy when I read this a few days ago?
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Well, you’re not the only one! It seems, to me anyway, that he is just trying to make excuses for his inability to be faithful.
by Susan August 25th, 2007 at 12:46 pmI am pissy right along with you!
by Estella August 25th, 2007 at 8:01 pmGeez, is there anything more annoying than someone trying to justify why he’s a dog? (Sorry for giving dogs a bad name). Pul-eeze. It seems like he was way more interested in his own “pain” than that of his wife…you know, the one who was truly suffering.
by Stacy ~ August 25th, 2007 at 9:32 pmHe’s a jerk, but an honest one. Not too many people will openly admit to infidelity. I feel sorry for any woman that dates him or worse -marries him. When times get hard, he will probably cheat!
by Tara W August 26th, 2007 at 6:38 amI saw my friend’s brother do much the same thing while his wife was battling breast cancer. He drove from his wife’s funeral to his girlfriend’s place and moved her into his house that same night. Since he had always been his mother’s favorite his mom told everyone the girlfriend was really someone hired to settle the late wife’s estate!
One of these days I’m going to use this in a book.
by Darlene Ryan August 26th, 2007 at 7:48 amWhat a @$$hole. I agree with Stacy, he’s a dog. The fact that he thought he could cheat even once a year is despicable, but to cheat during her last few months of life. Sleaze.
I worked for a domestic attorney and watched the way that cheating made the other party and I think that if you get to the point you even think you may want to cheat you need to leave. Otherwise, your a loser and worse than that your a cheater who is going to lose everything.
by Patty L. August 26th, 2007 at 10:19 amHappy to see I’m not the only one sickened by this guy
Darlene! That is a hideous story. Unfortunately, not all that uncommon. Still…
by HelenKay August 26th, 2007 at 10:46 amYes he is a nasty piece of work – reminds me of my brother in law. He told everyone that my sister was mentally ill and ‘putting it on’ when she was dying of cancer
I know that some poeple don’t deal well with illness and immenent death but I really hate those who hurt others whilst not coping.
by Ilona August 26th, 2007 at 10:53 amOh YUCK! That is awful, and thanks for letting me know about a book to avoid (that would surely put me in a horrible mood!)
by Fedora August 28th, 2007 at 8:04 amWell, I for one cannot stand someone who attempts to justify his weakness for philandering by saying it was how he coped with his grief. First of all, he was “fooling around” before his wife had cancer. The man is Pond Scum and I, for one, have no intention of reading his book. That man would not know love if it fell off a truck and hit him in the head.
by Lynda D Garner September 2nd, 2007 at 7:28 am