Open Letter To Amazon
Dear folks in charge of Amazon (the bookstore not the geographic region):
We’ve had a long and prosperous relationship. While I don’t buy tools, shampoo and many of the other things you sell, I do buy books and DVDs from you. Check my account history. You’ll see. It is because of this mutual and mostly satsifying history that I have ignored that thing you do where you provide a link to used copies of my books right there in the same area where you sell new copies of my books. Don’t like it, but I got over it. Well, I’m trying.
We seem to be having a new problem. This one is driving me batshit crazy. I apologize if the language is offensive but, really, wouldn’t you be upset if I kept calling you Amaz or Amazo instead of your full name? I think you can see where that might get a tad annoying. Which brings me to my point… Stop listing my books under Helen Kay Dimon. [I'm using italics just in case you aren't clear how incensed I am about this since everyone know italics mean business.] See, that isn’t my name. My name is HelenKay Dimon. All one word. No space in between. Yeah, I know. Blame my parents. In fact, I’ll give you their phone number so you can verify this, but I swear it’s my name. Not Helen. Not Helen Kay. Certainly not Yelenkay like the folks at the Eddie Bauer catalog think.
Here’s the part I don’t get. My name is listed correctly in the Kensington catalog, on all my books and on my website. Why you insist on making this harder than it needs to be is not clear. While this may sound picky to you, it’s been a lifetime of hearing and seeing my name twisted and tortured that’s brought me to this point. You just took this issue to a new level by listing all of my new releases under this wrong name.
Why does this matter, you ask? Well, when you spell my name wrong - the correct way is HelenKay, in case you’re still not clear - a new release is not then listed with my other books. This allows us to answer the age old question: if a book is listed for pre-order and no one can find it, will it sell? Clearly the answer is no.
I tought we fixed this mess with RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW when I went through my usual procedure and asked that my name be corrected. Do you remember your response? Don’t go look. I’ll tell you. Frankly, it was not one of your finest moments. You said, and this is a quote from your email: “We have been unable to confirm the accuracy of the change you requested and, therefore, cannot make the change at this time.” I reacted as anyone would, with a near spastic response about me knowing my own name. I think I mentioned something about trained monkeys as well. I apologize again for that loss of control and the namecalling.
At the end of that rather unpleasant email exchange, you corrected my name. Despite that, you used the wrong name - again - on the pre-order for HARD AS NAILS. And for TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT. I fixed both without complaint. Do you see where I’m going with this? Yeah. This morning I went looking for HOT AS HELL, wondering if it was out there on Amazon somewhere even though it did not show up on a search for my name. There it was, all by itself, listed - again - under the wrong name. You even have the cover up which, I would point out, has my name spelled correctly. The poor book has been up for pre-order and I didn’t know. This makes me very unhappy.
So, let’s come to an agreement, shall we? I will refrain from sending you scathing emails pointing out the irony of having someone who is unable to read input the author and title information for books. In exchange, you must stop this nonsense. Fix my name on HOT AS HELL. Don’t mess up my name on my 2009 releases. Really, I’m not asking much.
Truly yours,
HelenKay
May 29th, 2008 at 11:00 am
They’ll probably just email you back and ask you to change your name to Helen Kay to make it easier on them. Really, you could be more accomodating to those poor folks
May 29th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Love the letter and hope it brings better results with your name this time.
Meanwhile I shall use both the correct and the incorrect spellings to search for your books.!!
May 29th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I totally understand having a name that is often spelled wrong. I’ll make sure to search both names in the future on Amazon. I’ll also double check the spelling at B&N too, since I order from them too.
May 29th, 2008 at 1:31 pm
Okay, that’s just freakishly stupid. How difficult is it to spell the name that’s on the cover? Apparently, for Amazon employees, pretty damn hard. Sorry for your frustration HelenKay (see Amazon? THAT is how you spell it). I hope they fix it for you.
Hugs!
May 29th, 2008 at 5:18 pm
WOW! What a great letter, I could really feel the passion in that one! If you ever gave up writing (NOT) you could make a lot of money for people writing those kind of letters for them! I’ve done a few myself and I can tell you, yours is much better!
May 29th, 2008 at 6:13 pm
As someone who’s name is constantly misspelled, or who’s regularly called Tracy, I feel your pain. What must we be thinking, expecting people to get it right? I guess Amazon figures it’s already printed on the book, so who cares how they actually spell it themselves (rolling eyes). Maybe you should change it to HK Dimon. Just a thought *g*
May 29th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
Amazon drives me crazy! You have no idea how much they messed my book up. First had my book cover with the wrong title, author name, ISBN, blurb and about the author info. Took months of emails from myself and my publisher to finally get it fixed. The whole time they NEVER have my book listed as available from Amazon (and it still is not listes as available from them) again despite numerous emails from myself, publisher, and publisher distributor. Only used copies of my book from other people are on Amzon. It’s never been available from them even though it released in January and everywhere else carries and and all other books from my pub are available there. It’s a mess! They only respond half the time and still nothing gets done. Grrr.
May 29th, 2008 at 6:19 pm
Okay see how mad I am. I had like 50 typos in that paragraph. LOL.
May 29th, 2008 at 6:50 pm
LOL, Jaci! I’m so sorry, HelenKay–I hope this will prompt Amazon to fix this permanently!
May 29th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
i saw that. i hope they do fix it.
May 30th, 2008 at 6:35 am
Good Morning HelenKay~
I can completely sympathize (sp). I was graced with a hyphenated first name. No, it’s not my first and middle name. It’s all one name. Barbara-Jo. I also have a middle name. I object to it being shortened to Barbara. My job calls for me to identify myself on the phone and I can’t tell you how often people think my name is Barbara Jones. I’m a stickler for being called by my full first name. I am not a Barbie or a Barbara, (Barbara is my mother - Joseph my father, and since I was born in the South! Well, you get the picture). I will always make sure to double check Amazon on their spelling. Though, they refuse to change my account name from Barbara (apparently, their system will not recognize hyphens!)
Your loyal fans will get the word out. Have a stress free weekend!!!
Barbara-Jo
May 30th, 2008 at 11:47 am
Their system recognizes hyphens. I have books listed as Cindy Procter-King on American Amazon, and I have an account for buying books with Amazon Canada using the hyphen, too. I think someone is pulling your leg, Barbara-Jo. Why could their system recognize hyphens for last names and not first names? Doesn’t make sense.
June 2nd, 2008 at 9:49 am
Try talkint to one of thier c/s’s. Maybe we should get them to employ english speaking people that way they can maybe spell to.
Love you cus